You believe you're not. You say you're not (self-deprecation). And, if you're not saying it, you're expressing it physically (body-language). And, if you're not expressing it physically then you're replaying it mentally. An internal loop of 'You're not good enough', 'Who do you think you are?', 'You don't deserve it'.
You feeling 'not worth it' seeps out of your pores, it sits around you energetically, it's reflected back in the world around you.
Who said you're not worth it?
You didn't come into this world telling yourself this. When was the last time you saw a self-conscious new-born? They told you and you started believing it - your parents through their words and actions, that one teacher who hated their job and felt the need to pass their self-loathing on to every child they encountered, the partners who seemed to perfectly prod everything you felt insecure about. Their voices became a soundtrack in your head every time you considered doing something new, for yourself, anything that could improve your life, bring you happiness.
Their voice becomes your inner critic. It's role is to protect you from possible failure, embarrassment, exclusion, pain - but it doesn't know how to gauge a situation properly. It constantly looks at things from a place of high alert. Worst case scenario. Things that could potentially happen but probably won't.
Guess what? You don't have to listen to it, that negative voice you adopted as your own. Give it a comical personality, name it even. You can thank it for it's input and but then take positive action. Do the thing that takes you into a new situation, puts you in front of different people, opens up opportunity and could be the first step towards achieving what you want.
What you're worth is:
Become what you need
Relying on others to provide what you crave internally is a dangerous game, one that you don't actually need to play. You are capable of building yourself up, leading others by example. Build up your sense of self-worth by creating healthy boundaries, owning your body and claiming the space it takes up. Stop putting yourself down so much. Instead, use your voice to express your desires. Be the most reliable person in your life. The one you can turn to whenever you need it.
You're not worth it, you're invaluable.
Wishing Only Love,