There was no sense of time.
I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed.
At one stage I definitely considered - is this what Death is like?
Sounds terrifying, but being in a floatation tank was actually one of the most relaxing experiences I have ever had in my life.
It was a birthday present from my gorgeous Sister and I will be doing it again.
After 10 minutes of ambient music, the lights went out and I lay suspended in the Epsom Salt-rich water.
0% clothing.
Total darkness.
Silent, apart from the occasional bubble escaping from behind my earplugs (I plan to perfect using those.)
I was completely vulnerable - or was I? Was I in fact, just allowing myself to be open? Open to being fully supported, trusting that I was safe, knowing that my thoughts determined my experience.
I could panic, allowing anxious images of being trapped, running out of air or drowning in 2ft of water to destroy the opportunity or I could just relax.
Let go.
Easier said than done.
Even though I happily lay back, marvelling at the physics of floating I noticed I was still holding on, unnecessarily tensing muscles and so, I had to consciously release them.
Fully surrendering to something other than myself.
My thoughts returned for a while after that.
Is this what Death is like?
It feels like I'm waiting for something to happen, what if Death is boring?! Eternally waiting for something else to happen.
Or is this what being in the womb was like?
It feels like I'm waiting for something to happen...
And then my mind went quiet.
Everything felt strangely familiar.
Patterns and shapes started to move across my field of vision.
My breath slowed and I forgot the outside world.
Peace.
Before I knew it, the ambient music and soft lighting returned signalling the end of my float.
For the rest of the day I felt serene.
My senses were heightened (I've never had a tastier jacket potato with beans!)
There was ease.
The float had been a reminder that everything can be okay if I just allow myself to be open, supported and in a state of trust.
Something which we all deserve to feel.
Wishing Only Love,
https://www.marissamccallam.com
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